The Insider.

The Insider is the name of my hometown school newspaper. Actually, I don't know that I can go so far as to say "newspaper." That's because no actual news is reported. Regular features include a column about a student's car, senior spotlights, reports about the sports teams and elementary school happenings. My April 20 edition of the "news" arrived today, and I'd like to share with you some drama that reminds me of something I read here. (Expect the Insider drama appears in actual newsprint instead of cyberspace.)

Anyway, the crisis du jour is in response to a senior spotlight column. Rather than try to describe it for you, I've constructed a fake senior spotlight so you can get a better sense of how silly the response is.

Jane Ann Doe was born on a beautiful May Day in 1988 to James Doe and Jeanette Doe. Jane's brother Johnny welcomed her home. Johnny is now a senior at Crazy State University where he studies insurance. During high school, Jane was active in four years of cheerleading, four years of drill team, four years of band, two years of golf and two years of National Honor Society. In her free time, Jane worked as a CNA at the nursing home and waited tables at Pizza Inn. Advice Jane gives to underclassmen is "respect the upperclassmen and know your place and remember to just have fun." Some of her hobbies include driving around, watching movies and baking cookies. Her favorite teacher in high school was Mr. XYZ teacher, because he is a good teacher and funny. If Jane could change one thing about the school, it would be to pave the parking lot, have a longer lunch period and have open campus all year. Next year Jane will attend Crazy Private College to study English. When I asked Jane where she sees herself in ten years, she said married with three children and teaching English. Good luck Jane!

The drama is because a brother's name was omitted from the list of siblings in his sister's column. I'll spare you the entire (poorly written) response. The editorialist did say it caused "a week full of personal confusment, public curiosity and nationwide hysteria."

Mmm hmm. I could have sworn our nation was concentrating on an unjust war, a civil right crisis with the death of Floridian Martin Lee Anderson and insane fuel costs, just to name a few.

I know it's all about perspective --- and to each his own. I've used it as opportunity to think about how privileged I am, and how something that seems like offensive personal humiliation really isn't so bad in the grand scheme of things.

I wish the editorialist could get some perspective and see it the same way. And if you find the definition of "confusment," be sure to let me know.