Not my dream cream.

Adios, substandard sweetened-with-Splenda International Delight Hazelnut Coffee Creamer quart-sized container. You have been a tasty addition to my coffee. You have helped some dollars by DIY-in' it rather than supporting my little local coffee shop. But your design sucks. Your Splendaness is sticky and glues the lid shut. When I gently open your mouth in the morning, the bottle mists my face, glasses, counter, kitchen with your hazelnutty goodness. Good luck with your product redesign; maybe we'll catch up again in the future 'cause you do taste great. But for now, I think we'll have to start seeing other people.

Monday's Political Update

When I take days off from work, it seems the universe rewards me by dropping the ax on some of my least favorite politicos. First, Karl Rove announced his resignation on a day off, now Alberto Gonzalez follows suit! How many days must I take off for the President to announce his departure?

Oh, and remember this post about my Idol 2008 campaign concept? I think it's possible that Barack Obama may be my front runner, at least for now. He's picking the right tunes and he's got stage presence, y'all. My sources tell me his visit to The Armpit of Florida was pretty rad. Check out the photos here.

Setting the bar low. Too low.

Me to camper: "How was your dentist appointment?"
Camper to me: "Fine, only two more cavities. Not bad, eh?

Camper extends gigantic 7-Eleven cup: "Mom was so excited she got me an LARGE orange soda."

On Christmas Music.

Earlier today I was reading a MySpace bulletin post. Those damned survey things are a bit like fried chicken to me, pure magic. Energy for the day. And while I seem to have completed each and every survey in its entirety, there are still a few questions that trip me up. Today's crazy tripped-up question: what is your favorite Christmas song?

My immediate response: ANYTHING. THAT. IS. NOT. FELIZ NAVIDAD. Holy shit, I cannot take that Christmas song.

With a background in music, you're always asked these strange questions and expected to answer respectably. For example, you go to a wedding and (hypothetically speaking) the groom's cousin-in-law sings a Shania Twain duet with the bride's sister's seeing eye dog's trainer. At the reception, four vodka tonics into things someone asks you, "What did you think of the music at the ceremony?" "It was touching," you respond, tactfully dodging any actual musical critique, because if critical musical thought was going to come into play you would need a barf bag. Anyway, that's about how I feel about Christmas music.

After two retail jobs last Christmas season, I'm looking forward to only one job where I have to live, eat and breathe shitty versions of Sleigh Ride (incidentally one of my favorite Christmas songs) this year. I've quit the second job, where the music may have been marginally better. But only marginally, mind you. 24/7 Christmas music would be enough to make anyone crazy.

Maybe I give those MySpace survey questions too much though. No need to think of Christmas songs today... To the tune of Santa Claus Comes Tonight: Pass me another ice cold beer and light the grill, it's August for heaven's sake.

But I feel glad to be alive.

Me: "My ears are ringing."
P: "Besides that, how do you feel?"
Me: "Well, I have a headache. And I can't breathe. And then there's the ears ringing. But mostly I feel glad to be alive."

Fighting with a cold. Two weeks till vacation. Ahhhhhhh.